i have been batting around the idea of a blog dedicated to my daily adventures in c-town for awhile now. but what is the final impetus strong enough to push my typing fingers into action? cleveland's very own alex and simon, courtesy of Real Housewives of New York City. this may jog your memory:
oh you mean it just gave you a brain aneurysm? i'm sorry. but the point is such gems r not exclusive to the glittering lights of the big apple! we have them just the same in ohio!

whether you want to call it "in between employers" or "self employed", i ain't gots no 9-5 right now. so i've been running a lot of much delayed errands. one of which is taking my dad's car into the shop to get the radio replaced (the original was stolen at a $2 parking lot downtown). while waiting for circuit city to complete the job, i wondered over to marc's because no matter what my boyfriend says, i just don't visit their "world famous" close out section enough. and if you're not familiar with the deep discounts of northeast ohio's favorite hometown discount grocery store, well, get acquainted.

anyhow, keep in mind that this is 11 AM on a TUESDAY, the clientele was 85% senior citizens, 10% welfare recipients, 4% unemployed (including me), and 1% mental institution escapees, aka the alex and simon of ridge park square. i was in the glassware/china aisle minding my own business and looking at ivy etched baking dishes, when i overheard this:

"oh HONEY! look at this wonderful collection" (note that the whole aisle of made up of random dishes and bowls, none of which matched with each other in any way.)
"oh, yes, i just love that"
"yes, i know, and no more of the microwaveable and dishwashing silliness"
"oh yes, i am so relieved, i simply could not stand it anymore"

it wasn't so much the words at this point, but the soft lilting inflections befitting a museum gift shop that beckoned my ears. who are these people? i thought. i examined them peripherally and found them to be quite plain looking, of the rocky river, gale's on a saturday type. not mid morning on a weekday in marc's. and to be completely honest i caught him checking out my backside. (i'm not saying anything, i'm just saying!) it's like they KNEW i was eavesdropping on them! because they continue:

"this is perfect. the only problem now, u know, is that we have to go to the other marc's and we can't buy any produce here." (reference simon van campen and alex mccord blithely shucksing about how they can't wear an outfit again because her social climbing back was photographed by the society pages)
"i love the it reflects the light" (holding a 99 cent wine glass up to the fluorescent ceiling light)
"you do have an affinity for translucent qualities"
"wouldn't it be wonderful to buy this entire collection"
"honey, we already have a very nice stemware collection in the attic"
"this would make a great gift for your mother"
"yes, you are right"
"she would love this"
"oh yes the ridged edges"
"it looks like it costs $99" (he should go on the price is right)
"but we'd have to tell her where we got it from because she would never let us give such an expensive gift" (i love how they would otherwise have passed it off like something really expensive)
"yes...hmm...."

i walked away at this point. i was biting my cheek so hard not to laugh and i knew it i stuck around i would have just stood there staring at them with my mouth hanging open. wait till they see the whole aisle of "stemware" on the other side of the shelfs they were looking at.

what do u think of this adventure? was it worthy of retelling? i hope i did the couple justice. let me know what you think of them, what you think of me, and most of all what you think of cleveland, because i live in cleveland - it's a fact.